Monday, April 27, 2009

Shut Up and Listen!


I hate people who try to comfort me with their shallow attempts at wisdom. They have nothing for me but empty words from their minds, but nothing that comes from the heart of God. Human agreements and pathetic human desires for the a perfect world makes me sick and more depressed then when I started! How do you know that this is not what God has called me to do? Have you been seeking God’s heart in my favor for a while now? This is what God has been showing me, so listen to what I have to say before you spit on it, cause this just might be the will of God in my life. So get out of my face with your simple words, cause if you don’t have anything from God to say then you are tearing me down cause you are not listening. Hurting people just want someone to listen to them, not someone to talk about themselves or what they need to change in their lives. Yes, there is a time for someone to help someone with telling them that they have this flaw that is causing this problem, but first they just need to let the crap come out before the wound can finally be ready for healing! So shut up and listen, and if you can’t listen then leave me alone!

I wrote that blog when I was in an angry state of mind, the content being good but the presentation was not accepted by all like I wanted it to. The point of this blog was not to offend, but to make you think about what you say when you try and comfort someone. So many times I have had people come to me when I am in need of someone to talk to, but I am not ready for words, or even when I am ready for someone’s advice they give this sweet, everything is going to be perfect answer… The point I am trying to make is this, when a person talks with someone the best thing to do is listen. People need to be heard, but so many times when they are pouring out their hearts the “listener” chimes in and gives a sweet, everything is going to be ok answer, but in reality the person just needs someone to listen to them. The other part is that when they are ready for the other person to talk, that person just talks and doesn’t say anything that is worth while. The point I am trying to make is simple this, when someone needs to talk, listen (that doesn’t mean a dialog but a monolog). The second is this when the person is ready for someone else input they shouldn’t give it, but rather ask God to give them the words that the person needs to hear, not wants to hear, needs (Ephesians 4:29).

An Old Lesson Not fully learned...


(Part 4 of Revelation through a Friend)
The more I grow older I come to realize that maybe God has set me out to be friendless and live a life that doesn’t desire friends or friendships. That maybe I am meant to be alone in this life and only have my Savior to keep my company as I go out and preach the Gospel of my God! Now before you go and tell me the crap of your shallow attempts at comfort, listen to what I am saying. (See Shut up and Listen, Oh Be Careful Little Mouth What you Say, Another Thought From the Book). I was struck by the unfaithfulness of my “friends” again today when I asked one of them why they were so tired, and she said oh yeah we were watching movies til 3 in the morn! I buried that emotion in my stomach so deep that I didn’t show it to her, but when I got back to my room I broke down! I mean seriously?!? What is wrong with me that they never call me to hang out!? Every time that I can remember that I have hung out with these people is because I was the one who called them! Am I that undesirable or annoying or what that these people who call me ‘friend” never call me to hang out? The lies of the devil stabbed me again and again in the heart and in the back. I fall to my knees crying to God, “What do I do God? What do I do? Help me know what to do!? Do I forget them cause they are going to leave soon or do I have to make amends that I might grow, but yet I don’t have the energy or the time to do that in finals! And then by the time that I am done with finals they are gone and done with school and I will never see them again!” These are the thoughts and feelings that fill my head as I try and think of something, but yet all that comes is the evil of my sinful nature, “F*** you D***s! I hate you all” But yet, what does that do for me!? Nothing, my heart is filled with hate and resentment, and I am dying inside like a cancer that eats me slowly. So I have to get this off!? But yet God I am justified in these feelings! These people care nothing about me or they would know how I feel and how deep I am hurt. No one wants to take the time to listen to my heart, but yet I feel that the ones that do heart my heart forget it as soon as I leave them. So why should I allow them to win!? I am sick of them winning and I hate that I am always the one that is humbled! Can I just once get to be glorified in my emotions and make them kiss my feet in repentance?
God I know that all that I said is not of you, but of my flesh and I ask you to help me crucify that flesh to the cross once again. I can’t even count the number of times that I have taken those nails out and helped him back down and into my life. God help me to be selfless and loving and caring and a “follower of Christ,” once that honors you in the hard times, in the depressing time, and in the good times. I know that if I want to answer the call of mission work on my life I need to able to live on you and you alone. It is off every Word that comes from your Mouth, Oh God, which I must live on. Not by the support of my friends, but only through your love and glory that I live. I know that your will for my life is so much more then what I think that I want, that what my life is about is pleasing my creator and not myself. Just like I have claimed you as my Master, I will do what you say because that is what the servant does, no question, completely out of loyal service. Help me to listen to you first LORD, that the lessons of my past would never leave me, but would be the further foundation of my walk and service to you.

tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time it's for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it won't be long before you'll forget my name

can't you tell that I’m losing myself?
I think I’m trying too hard to
let it show
to let you know
don’t trace your footsteps back to me

I’ve been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well i thought i would never leave anything behind
i also never thought I’d say

tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name

can't you tell that I don’t know myself?
I need someone to remind me
to let it go
please let me know
don’t trace your footsteps back to me

I’ve been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well i thought i would never leave anything behind
i also never thought I’d say

tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name

and if I had the chance to do it all again
I wouldn’t expect anything less
and if I had the chance to do it all again
I wouldn’t expect, I wouldn’t expect
any thing less

tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name

forget my name
I know that this is not a Christian band, nor a Christian song, but yet just like their name… I have a “New Found Glory.” This is the glory that God loves me and that I love him and the glory is not like the world knows… it is one that the world doesn’t understand. It is the life of Jesus Christ, and I feel that even the Christians (followers of Jesus) don’t even know… It was one of poverty, of loneliness, of betrayal, of pain, but yet in all of that He loved God 100% and was not going to let Him go. In all of that he served and saved thousands by being faithful to the call on his life. He could have ruled the whole world and made the Romans his foot stool, if he would only bow down to the devil. Well the devil is offering me the world if I bow down to him, but I know that this world is coming to an end and my glory and my treasure is in heaven. To that Kingdom I work and bleed for. To that kingdom I will endure loneliness, hardship, poverty, but it will be to the glory of God as I serve him with all of my heart!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Humility

Humble yourself before the Lord and seek his heart! People humility
before God is not some word the pastor says but it is a condition of
the heart! You will never be able to worship God until you soften
your heart so that you can hear God! The Lord wants to speak to you
but you have all these walls built of pride and idols you have made (gf/bf, sports, clothes, movies, rebellion, sin.) You will never me able to change until you are humble and bow low face down on the floor saying God make my life a prayer to you. You have to be willing
to give it all up before you will be able to go anywhere! You have been dragging things in this race that we have been called to! Paul said to throw off all things that hinder, but we have put more things on! The Greeks when competing in the Olympics would be naked, they would have nothing that would hold them back from being all that they could be. Now Paul knew what he meant when he gave those people that visual, there is to be nothing that holds us back from the race that we are going to run. Why do you think that Jesus told the rich young ruler to sell everything, giving it the poor, and then to follow him. Jesus knew that when you hold on to the things of earth you will not be willing to lose them, and will instead lose Jesus in an effort to keep it. You know this is true, how many times have you heard a call to missions work in a third world country, but you don’t want to go cause that means that you have to give up your stuff! This was something that Jesus was serious about and we know that for how many times he tells people this! There is the account in Luke 9 that lists two men who are holding on to earthly things unwilling to give it all. The first one wanted his fathers money before he would go out to serve and the second wanted his family before he would go, but Jesus said, “NO.” Jesus told the first, “let the dead bury the dead” and then to the second that once his hand is on the plow that he ain’t going to turn his head back. Why can’t we turn our heads back once we have our hand on the plow? If any of you have ever tried to turn around and look in your backseat while driving and then you know that you take your eyes off the road and some of us turn back so far that we jerk the wheel, swerving. We can’t turn back with out consequence. Once we have set our eyes on Christ we can’t take them off or bad things will happen! Look at Peter and what he did when his eyes were on Christ, but yet as soon as he turned his eyes away he sank! People we can’t take our eyes off Christ if we are going to serve him, not for a relationship, not for a car, and certainly not for ourselves.
If we don't come to the alter in humility then we will never be able do the work that the alter has for us. It is a place where we lay down our faults and admit that we are less then perfect, but give that imperfection to God! Saying "God I can't do this on my own! I need you!" but not you! You have come to the alter of God and spit on it! You have come with pride! You have come with apathy! You have come with complacency! You idiotlters! God has called us to a relationship with him and only him. He is a jealous God and will not share a thrown with anyone! So why have you turned your hearts from him? Come to him, but come with an open heart. Come to him and ask him to open your eyes to the things in your life that you hold onto. The ones that the devil has blinded you too. The Word of God is called a “light” for the Bible says, your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. You have taken God’s holy light and let it collect dust on your self. You have opened that DVD case 100 times before you think of opening that Bible. You have fallen asleep in the light of God, you have fallen asleep in the warmth of the “good feelings” or the “mountain top.”
"Oh bless me Lord, bless me Lord"
You know it's all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in,
Oh, can't you see it's such a sin?
The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on, get out of your bed
Oh Church of the Most High God! Wake up! Come to God and open your hearts that you might hear what he has called on your life!
The message is oh so very simple
You gotta be like a child to see
'Cause Jesus said "Let the little children
Come unto Me"

You try to make things too complicated
But you really don't have to be so smart
You don't learn a thing
Until you soften your heart

Soften your heart! Dear children of God, come to in humility that you might hear the beautiful calling on your life. Quit acting like you live in this country?! “You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.” (James 4:4) You are not an American! “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” (Philippians 3:20). So let us not live like we live here, but instead let us “store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:20) For we have no need for worldly wealth or things, for they are worthless and the Bible says, “Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare” (Isaiah 55:2) "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:25-34)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Temple of the Holy Spirit

Tonight I went to a pentecostal service with a friend. The thing that stuck me most was at the end of the service when they broke out into teams and started praying for people who came to ask for prayer... My Friend sat there and so did I watching what all was going on with the people there. I had that little voice in my head come to me and say, "Go get prayer over Lust!" but yet I sat there... thinking about how much I am not sure about these people and if it is really something of God (the thought and the people). Then a devotional from my mentor came to my mind, because it talked about how I have been very analytical in my thoughts and actions of my life. Before I will do anything I have to sit back and study it, make sure it is Biblical and correct, but God in this time was telling me to dive in! "What? You can be serious God? Dive into something I don't understand or talk to people I don't know thus not sure if I can trust them?" So I sat there some more when my friend had her Bible open and showed me a verse in Ezekiel 14:4-6;

Therefore speak to them and tell them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: When any Israelite sets up idols in his heart and puts a wicked stumbling block before his face and then goes to a prophet, I the LORD will answer him myself in keeping with his great idolatry. I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols.'

"Therefore say to the house of Israel, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Repent! Turn from your idols and renounce all your detestable practices!

After that I was like okay, God I believe you now (two signs should have been more than enough). So I went up there I told them that I was struggling with lust. They told me that my body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit and that there is a spirit that is attacking me. The spirit of lust, and it is a illegal alien in the Temple of the Holy Spirit. And that when I am tempted that I need to claim the blood of Christ and keep claiming it and telling it to leave in the name of Christ. Because of the power of the blood! I feel that it was something that I needed to hear. I mean if God called me three times... ha ha

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Oh Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say

Andre Gide while in school during class watched a butterfly being born from its chrysalis and marveled at the beauty and wonder at which it happened. But when Andre exclaimed to his professor about the beauty of rebirth he was rebuked. Proclaiming to Andre that this was natural, the professor completely missed the whole point of the glory of the supernatural changes that occurs. Gide would later write that he knew how the process works, probably even better then the professor, Gide’s professor missed the meaning and wonder, even if it was only natural. Later he wrote that he, from then on, loathed that teachers lectures.
As I read this, I reflected on my own life and how people have rebuked my passion or marvel needlessly. Just because they didn’t see the same passion they felt the need to tear me down as well? Two things came to my mind when I read this: The first was “do no throw your pearls before swine” and the second we need to be on guard with everything you say because you never know how that will affect someone.

More from Spiritual Disiplines

Psalms 119:9-11
How do you keep your ways/heart pure?
Living according to Your Word.
I have hidden Your Word in my heart,
that I might not sin against You.

"We come to the scripture to be changed, not to amass information"

"When we study a book of the Bible we are seeking to be controlled by the intent of the author. We are determined to hear what he is saying, not what we want him to say. We want life-transforming truth, not just good feelings." (p.69)

"Remember that the key to the discipline of study is not reading many booksm but experiencing what we do read" (p.72)
Psalms 119:9-11
How do you keep your ways/heart pure?
Living according to Your Word.
I have hidden Your Word in my heart,
that I might not sin against You.

"We come to the scripture to be changed, not to amass information"

"When we study a book of the Bible we are seeking to be controlled by the intent of the author. We are determined to hear what he is saying, not what we want him to say. We want life-transforming truth, not just good feelings."