(Part 4 of Revelation through a Friend)
The more I grow older I come to realize that maybe God has set me out to be friendless and live a life that doesn’t desire friends or friendships. That maybe I am meant to be alone in this life and only have my Savior to keep my company as I go out and preach the Gospel of my God! Now before you go and tell me the crap of your shallow attempts at comfort, listen to what I am saying. (See Shut up and Listen, Oh Be Careful Little Mouth What you Say, Another Thought From the Book). I was struck by the unfaithfulness of my “friends” again today when I asked one of them why they were so tired, and she said oh yeah we were watching movies til 3 in the morn! I buried that emotion in my stomach so deep that I didn’t show it to her, but when I got back to my room I broke down! I mean seriously?!? What is wrong with me that they never call me to hang out!? Every time that I can remember that I have hung out with these people is because I was the one who called them! Am I that undesirable or annoying or what that these people who call me ‘friend” never call me to hang out? The lies of the devil stabbed me again and again in the heart and in the back. I fall to my knees crying to God, “What do I do God? What do I do? Help me know what to do!? Do I forget them cause they are going to leave soon or do I have to make amends that I might grow, but yet I don’t have the energy or the time to do that in finals! And then by the time that I am done with finals they are gone and done with school and I will never see them again!” These are the thoughts and feelings that fill my head as I try and think of something, but yet all that comes is the evil of my sinful nature, “F*** you D***s! I hate you all” But yet, what does that do for me!? Nothing, my heart is filled with hate and resentment, and I am dying inside like a cancer that eats me slowly. So I have to get this off!? But yet God I am justified in these feelings! These people care nothing about me or they would know how I feel and how deep I am hurt. No one wants to take the time to listen to my heart, but yet I feel that the ones that do heart my heart forget it as soon as I leave them. So why should I allow them to win!? I am sick of them winning and I hate that I am always the one that is humbled! Can I just once get to be glorified in my emotions and make them kiss my feet in repentance?
God I know that all that I said is not of you, but of my flesh and I ask you to help me crucify that flesh to the cross once again. I can’t even count the number of times that I have taken those nails out and helped him back down and into my life. God help me to be selfless and loving and caring and a “follower of Christ,” once that honors you in the hard times, in the depressing time, and in the good times. I know that if I want to answer the call of mission work on my life I need to able to live on you and you alone. It is off every Word that comes from your Mouth, Oh God, which I must live on. Not by the support of my friends, but only through your love and glory that I live. I know that your will for my life is so much more then what I think that I want, that what my life is about is pleasing my creator and not myself. Just like I have claimed you as my Master, I will do what you say because that is what the servant does, no question, completely out of loyal service. Help me to listen to you first LORD, that the lessons of my past would never leave me, but would be the further foundation of my walk and service to you.
tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time it's for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it won't be long before you'll forget my name
can't you tell that I’m losing myself?
I think I’m trying too hard to
let it show
to let you know
don’t trace your footsteps back to me
I’ve been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well i thought i would never leave anything behind
i also never thought I’d say
tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name
can't you tell that I don’t know myself?
I need someone to remind me
to let it go
please let me know
don’t trace your footsteps back to me
I’ve been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well i thought i would never leave anything behind
i also never thought I’d say
tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name
and if I had the chance to do it all again
I wouldn’t expect anything less
and if I had the chance to do it all again
I wouldn’t expect, I wouldn’t expect
any thing less
tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name
forget my name
I know that this is not a Christian band, nor a Christian song, but yet just like their name… I have a “New Found Glory.” This is the glory that God loves me and that I love him and the glory is not like the world knows… it is one that the world doesn’t understand. It is the life of Jesus Christ, and I feel that even the Christians (followers of Jesus) don’t even know… It was one of poverty, of loneliness, of betrayal, of pain, but yet in all of that He loved God 100% and was not going to let Him go. In all of that he served and saved thousands by being faithful to the call on his life. He could have ruled the whole world and made the Romans his foot stool, if he would only bow down to the devil. Well the devil is offering me the world if I bow down to him, but I know that this world is coming to an end and my glory and my treasure is in heaven. To that Kingdom I work and bleed for. To that kingdom I will endure loneliness, hardship, poverty, but it will be to the glory of God as I serve him with all of my heart!
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