Life, my biggest fear.

There is little to nothing in this life that scares me, that instills
fear in my heart. I faced cancer and came out the other side with only
a strong discomfort thinking about bone marrows and spinal taps. I
faced death and was carefree. You see, death gives me no fear, "oh
death where is your sting, where is your victory," for I know that my
savior has conquered the grave for me. But what scares me, what
instills fear inside of me? Life!

Life is the thing that scares me the most, I am so afraid of the
unknown path that sits a head of me. It is new and unknown, open,
fresh, unexplored. Normally adventure is what thrills me and drives me
to do things, but my life now hangs in the balance, not that I could
lose it, but rather that I have to become something. I have to do
something with my life or u will be a "failure." if I do not become
something, I will have in some way failed my parents?

Everyone asks me what I am doing. "what do you have planned" "what do
you want to do?" I always tell them I am praying about it, which I do,
but I would rather tell them the truth!!! I am going out of my mind
trying to figure out what I am going to do with "my life." I have no
plans, no prospects, no dreams, no plans, no ideas. I am at the
crossroads of my life, but there is no signs to give me ideas on what
I can do. There is nothing but a field of unknown opportunities and
paths unknown. But I have no idea of what I am suppose to do with that?!

Some tell me that I am suppose to come here and do this, but that
chocks me. It leaves me dry. What future does that give me? How do I
pay the bills that way?! Cause they are not my bills, they are my
dad's bills and problem if I can't take care of them, but he can't
handle my problems!!!

I don't know what I want to do. Yet I am drowning in advice from
family and friends. I am drowning in their questions. I get so tired
saying the same thing over and over to everyone! Which basically is "I
have no idea what I am going to do with my life!!" but why do I want
to tell the whole my problems?

I am not asking for answers or for you to illuminate my path so I can
give the world my next ten years with day to day plans, for I know you
will reveal what I need at the time that I need to know it. What I am
askin though, is for your peace so that I can rest in your arms calmly
and carelessly trusting in my Father. I know that knowing my path is
not always the best for me, cause I trust you and seek you more when I
am looking to you for guidance. But please Father give me the peace to
calm my soul from the fear that is slowly killing me! I need your
peace! That is all I ask of you, for I know that beyond that, you got
it all ready. Let me sleep in your peace tonight.

Though I walk through the shadow of my life, I will not fear for my
Good Shepherd is with me.