My Giant Math Problem. . .

God you are trying to speak to me, please don't stop or let me forget. Do not close my ears to your words, but open them and help your servant along. God I get done with my meeting with Juan to read in "Searching for God knows What":

"I have this suspicion, however, that if we are going to get to know God, it is going to be a little more like getting to know a person than practicing voodoo. And I suppose that means we are going to have to get over this dear of intimacy, or whatever you want to call it, in order to have an ancient sort of faith, the same faith showed by all the dead apostles"

How else could it be that I would pick up that book, to read that after what Juan and I have been talking about?! Explain it away you could, but she said that my excuses are exactly that and nothing more than excuses!
Then again as I lay in bed, and I can't sleep, I hear Juan's voice screaming in my head, "Jerome, Shut up and do it!" So I got up and opened my Bible to the place marked by my tourniquet (I wonder if there is symbolism there?)and start to read and as I read I come to the end of the chapter, which reads;

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

What are you trying to say... Correct me if I am wrong but I think that you are trying to say get off your lazy A$$ and run!!! Am I right? Why does it seem so much clearer now? The story of the man pushing the rock comes back to my mind! Why am I questioning when you have asked me to just keep pushing the Rock!? God why am I being so stupid? This all seems so simple now! Your not asking me to figure it all out like a giant math problem, but all you want is just to be my friend and we grow to love and understand each other in time... Patience... Trust.... Compromise, but me to you and not the other way around...

God you are too good for me! Blessed be the Name of my LORD, My God, My Savior, My GRACIOUS FATHER!

Last flower on the hill...

Long have I wanted to be able to write poetry that would move the soul and provoke the thoughts of the reader, but sadly the words that I put together lack the vivid picture wants to create. So I am left with writing childish words on a paper that is ready to fall apart because of all the time that I have erased what I wrote because like myself, I hate it. I try to change it and still nothing happens. My whole life has been me trying to get better at things and though I try, it seems that I am way to good at messing up the things that I want most. The rarest of flower sat in front of me and I watched it, love it, cared for it, adored it, and longed to hold it. Years past and I tired to hold it to my chest to show it the love that I had, the only way that i knew how to give it. I crushed the flower, it now lays broken on this mountain side and I am left with only a memory. I have searched the mountain looking for an equal to this, that I love so much, knowing that the roots would never let me have it. So I continued my search and never found an equal, the beauty so rare that I am left wanting. Though many flowers filled this mountain, none had the color, the shape, the softness, the drawing that this one flower did. So now after I have destroyed that which I have longed for so long, I am left with nothing. Trying to find one with the depth of soul that this one had, for no other touched my heart like this one has and my greatest fear is that none would ever be able to again.

Good-bye

Through my life I have not understood many things, for how can I? The world is so vast, the world is so complex, and I am just a single grain of sand as it spins through space? The thing that I understand prob the least, is relationships... For every time that I think that i have just a finger on understanding it, another turn comes and I slip from that and drop back to, what seems like, where I began.

I picked you a flower and with a smile gave it

Who Deserves More Cheer?

I may not know who you are personally, but I question you with this. . . Where is your heart when you worship God? Lately I have been asking God about worship, who is right in worship? Is it Pentecostal rolling round on the floor screaming, is it the conservative Baptist who stands and sings hymns with organs, or maybe the contemporary worship team who has 15 people on the stage playing a different instrument with the decibel level at the peak of safe levels? Who is right? I mean how can so many different styles worship the same God? Can they? Maybe! I am not going to give you any answers, but rather pose questions to you and pray that they make you think bout your approach to worship in the coming times you “draw” near to God. But then again the people that I am hoping to tell this to, they probably won’t ever listen or even hear what I am saying.

There is many people out there, myself included for a long time and maybe even now, that would look down on the Pentecostal worship style as chaotic and weird. Yet as my experience goes on and I dig deeper into the Bible I wonder about it more. What marks the worship of God? Is there one style? Is there too far? Can anything be worship to God? The first thing that comes to mind is that worship is a lifestyle and not something we do only in singing to God. The second is that there is wrong ways of worship, idolatry. But there are no idols in our culture today, right? I thought about it as I was in the coffee shop, where a twins game was on and people were verbally cheering for the twins, or other times when the Viks have been on and people scream wildly when there is a touchdown or a good play. Even better example is a home football game when Crown College Storm scores a touchdown, and you can not talk to the person sitting next to you because of the decibel lever of everyone screaming, jumping up and down, and the while claps of their hands in excitement for their team. But then, these same people that I just saw make a fool of themselves in front of a TV, which doesn’t allow the team to hear their cheers, and in the stands of a football field, stand in the bleachers of chapel and quietly sing. . . The only thing that I can hear is the worship band playing. . . No screams of joy, no exhortations of praise to God, and no wild clapping of hands! What happened? Where did the people in the stands go, where did the people in the coffee shop go? Are they not here… No they are, but they are not singing or they are sitting, where is the passion that I saw when they were watching a game? Should not the God who made the whole world and who came to earth to save my soul be much more worth of our cheers and praise!? To be honest, I think that we are all Pentecostal, but some of us are just not willing to be Pentecostal for God! We are not willing to look like a fool for God, but rather will other places?

Let’s make it clear that I am not against anyone sitting in contemplation of the wonder of God, the screaming praises of his great works, or the wild dancing that David did before the LORD. There is nothing wrong with any of that, but what I am trying to say here in short is that, Pentecostal is not the only form of worship to God and nor is the Conservative Baptist. The real thing that I want you to question is this, why will we cheer before a TV or on a football field, but refuse to in the pews of Church or the bleachers of our chapel?

**Now do not get me wrong and pick and choose things from message that you want to argue about, so listen to what I am trying to say here. You have to understand that I am not singling our one group of people, but rather a hypothetical group. **

Whose feelings matter?

I have very much wondered through my life whose feelings and good time matters the most? For so long in my life I have always made other people’s feelings come first. So even if it meant me staying home alone on a weekend, I would not make other people invite me alone. If someone didn’t want to do what I wanted to do, when deciding what movie to watch or where to go, I would go with them. I thought I would rather one of us have a bad time then both of us. I thought I was being the bigger man in giving up what I wanted to let other people have a good time. Or a final example is that I would keep my true feelings hidden so that other people could feel better about themselves.

Lately I wonder if that is the right thing to do? I have often not said how I felt so that the other person would not feel guilty or pressured into something. But should have I? Should I hid who I am or how I feel so that other’s feel better about themselves? Should I hold it in when people hurt my feelings so that they still have a good time?

What makes your feelings so much more valuable then mine? Now I know that sometimes we are not justified in how we feel, but yet other times we are. So if I am hurting, as a friend should I not be able to tell you that? Why should I have to hid the hurt inside as it festers and infects my life? I thought friends should be understanding, willing to help their friends when they are down and hurting? Or am I just wrong about friendships and feelings? Needing a new definition and book on proper etiquette on both?

Service

It was a really good day and I enjoyed myself quiet a bit in it. I like it when you are told something, but then the next day you experience it. Rob just told me the other night that service is something that I have been lacking in my life. For reading and prayer are good but sometimes those things do not do anything for you, in the fact that they can be pretty blaw sometimes. Going on from there he commented on my own life, saying that the most fulfilled time that he has ever see me was after I returned from Mexico. I was ready for change and ready to leave it all being just to go out and serve the people. Today I felt the truth of that once again, for it has been weeks that I have felt fulfilled by anything… reading, prayer, friends, even sin that I am sorry to say that I have engaged in, but then today when I was serving people at a service station I felt really good. I was happy, I was joyful and I loved every minute of it. I loved pumping people’s gas and talking with them, sometimes about nothing, but yet I got to met and talk to people who I would never even look at on the street. Instead I talked to this guy with a bald head, but long hair around the sides. We talked about me and talked about him and in that three to five minutes I connected with another person in this world without even trying. It felt good to just talk with this guy for no reason. Service, how can something that simple be so powerful that it can combat the couple weeks of depression and loneliness that I have suffered through? This time in my life I am relatively free of all things and responsibilities if I want to. So why wouldn’t I do all that I can to serve the people all around me that need Christ while I wait for the next step in my life.
Something that I don’t think about much about is the opposite side of my service and how that makes the other people feel. But because I live in a small town my mother hears about my good deeds from the old people who love to talk. While filling in a while back at the service station, I helped this old lady by taking her car through the carwash. Explaining to her how it works and that all she has to do is watch the signs and stop here… Later that week my mom came up to me and told me about how this old lady at the senior center was so impressed and blessed by my service. The sad thing about all of this is that I was only doing what comes natural for me, but the truth about all this is that people suck! So when people like me come by it is something abnormal and admirable. Oh Church we have such an opportunity to show Christ in the actions of our daily life and jobs. You may think that doing the right thing goes unnoticed, but someone is watching.

Submitting to Authority

So many times I hear people complain about the Covenant, with comments everywhere from “I should be able to make those decisions on my own” to “They are making unmoral decisions into morals.” It doesn’t matter what you think, because the only truth is that which comes from the mouth of God and from his mouth came the Holy Bible for it is written, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” Dear friends before I go on from there, I want to make sure that you know that I come before you in humility, for I am no better then the worse of sinners. I have been a hypocrite many times in my life and have called people to follow the covenant, infact rebuking them for not even knowing what it says. But the fact is that I am one of those people who have broken the covenant many times, for we all are all sinners and come before our most high God guilty unless we stand under the blood of Christ. For it is only in the blood of Christ that we are clean. It reminds me of a quote by Rich Mullens, “Whenever people say, 'Christians are hypocrites,' I say, 'duh, every time we come together we are confessing that we are hypocrites, weaklings in need of God and each other.” The truth is, to be a Christian is to be a hypocrite, because we stand in Church and agree to live by the standards of God, “Be perfect therefore as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” Who of us can live up to a standard like that, of course we are going to fall, but that does not mean that we should unless stop from giving our heart away to the effort of “walking as Jesus walked.” So as I say all these things I say them also to myself, as I point a figure at you I am pointing the rest strait back at me.
Now going back to 2 Timothy, I am coming to you in a effort to rebuke you of false thinking and correct you that you might be ready to be trained in righteousness by the Christian authority of Crown. The Bible makes it very clear that we need to summit to the authority that is placed above us. It is so important that it is restated three places and then elaborated in the third. First Paul addresses it in Romans 13, “EVERYONE must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is NO authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” Paul makes it very clear in the first two verses of the chapter that everyone needs to submit to the authorities because God put them there, for there is no authority that God has not placed there. For even the evil of nations that conquered Israel were put there by God. He is trying to make the point that because we are free in Christ doesn’t mean that we should be lawless, but rather law abiding. Then in verse two Paul makes a strong point for submission, for if you rebel against the authority it is the same as rebelling against God which brings judgment onto you!
The second passage is from Hebrews 13:17, “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.” Here the writer of Hebrews is imploring them to obey so that they will not be burdened by the law that they are under. For when we rebel against a law or an authority above us, there is always a consequence fro our actions, even if we believe that the actions were justified or the rules unfair, the punishment still is there. So why not rather submit so that it will not be burdensome for us, because even if we rebel we now have the punishment and the rules to bear instead of only the rules to follow. For even Jesus talked to this, for in his time on earth the Roman empire was ruling over the Jewish culture imposing their laws upon the children of Israel, but did Jesus say that they should right against them as a zealot? Far from it, instead he said, “If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.” Jesus never wanted us to rebel, but instead show love in our service to that authority.
The final scripture that I want to bring to your attention is that of 1 Peter 2, here is a passage from the man that Jesus said, “And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” Someone who has been given authority by God and Jesus for the building up of the Church, aka someone we should listen to. In his first letter he says this, “Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.” (1 Peter 2:13-14) Peter addresses the same issue that Paul addressed twice before, that we are to submit to authority, but he makes another statement in there, “for the Lord’s sake.” (is that like saying for Pete’s sake?) You are not doing this because you want to look good, but rather that you are doing this as unto the Lord. He continues on in this right after that on the issue of respect, “Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king. Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. ‘He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.’” (1 Peter 2:17-22) Peter takes this to every part of life or social status, make sure that all who read understand that we are not to shun authority or be disrespectful to the cops or even the president, no matter how much we dislike them. He says show everyone proper respect, and not just the ones who are nice to you, but even to the ones who beat you or mistreat you. Slaves are not suppose to hate their masters, but rather show them respect and submission. But do not stop at only the outward, for out of the heart comes all things, just as you are to live the example of Jesus, who “no deceit was found in his mouth.”
I leave you with the words of John, “ We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.” (1 John 2:3-6)

Gospel Presentation

“In the beginning God created the heavens and earth” (Genesis 1:1). Then on the sixth day God created man, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground’" (Genesis 1:27-28). So in the beginning God created man to rule over the earth, to taking care of all that God had created from the plants and trees to the beast of the field and the birds of the air. But that was not the only reason that man was made, for God created man so that he might have a relationship with them for, “Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’” (Genesis 3:8-9). God was not some powerful force that sat in the heavens and just watched the world take its course like a TV sitcom, but rather He wanted a relationship with His creation. God would walk with man, showing that there was an intimate relationship between the two. He calls out to them, “where are you?” and engages with them.
But God had allowed for his creation to have free will, as seen in Genesis 2:16-17 when God tells man, “And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.” Here you see that God clearly gave man a choice to obey what he was told or to disobey; free will. Again it is seen clearly in chapter 3 where the snake tempts the woman; God doesn’t stop them but allows her to make the choice. Finally it can be seen in the way that the devil has to tempt her to take the apple by giving her a twisted truth, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" (Genesis 3:1) He put doubt into the heart of the woman and she decided to eat of the tree that God had told them was forbidden, “she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked” (Genesis 3:6-7). When God came to them during the cool of the day He called out to man, but they hid from Him and when they had told him what they had done, he placed a curse on man and woman. To each he cursed them and their pain is ours to bear as well, for the Bible says, “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned” (Romans 5:12). So because of the sins of the first man and woman, we have all sinned before God. We have been born into sin, completely unable to do anything about it, for it says in Psalms 51:5, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Then also in Romans 3:23, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” clearly stating that we can’t make it to God’s glory on our own. Some will say that they are a good person, but no one is good enough to meet the standards that God has called us to, for it says in Leviticus 19:2, “Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.” The standard is set far beyond anything that we can match for it also says in Isaiah 64:6, “all our righteous acts are like filthy rags” and so we know that we are completely effortless to do anything about our helpless state.
For the majority of my life I have tried to live a good life in the eyes of my church, parents, and friends, but because it was only in their eyes, behind closed doors, or when no one was looking my life was not the cleanest. I went to youth group, but there was nothing that could ever really help me get past the sins in my life. For I have always tried to live a good life, following the commandments in the Bible in an effort to be a good Christian, yet my life was still void and I couldn’t figure out why I was so empty. In my senior year of high school I was not walking with the LORD, but I had not walked away from him, so I knew that when I chose a college it had to be a Christian College so that I could grow with God. So when I finally found Crown College I knew that God was calling me to go there. I knew it was a calling to come here because I was challenged to a faith that was more then just my law abiding mentality that I had when I was younger, but instead I gained a relationship with the God. My faith and love for God and people has grown leaps and bounds since coming here and I praise His name. He set me free from a lifestyle that was fruitless and void of life with Him.
The change that happened to me while in college was due to one Man, and if it was not for Him, I would still be living a worthless life trying to serve God with my fruitless labor; with my “filthy rags.” But when I came to college I met Jesus for real, and this Man’s life changed mine. If you don’t know Him or if you think you know who He is, let me explain what the Bible really says about Him or even what He said about Himself. First, you have to understand that Jesus was a man yet fully God, for in John 1:1, 2 it says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning” and then in verse 14, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” Jesus is the word of God and testifies to that in John 14:6 when “Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” So we know that Jesus was God and man, stating that he was and is the only way to Heaven, the bridge to bring us back to a relationship with God. For it says in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
So how do we respond to all that? It may sound like the work is done and I don’t have to do anything, because Jesus already did it. This is only half true. For in Romans 5:8 it says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” We did nothing deserving God’s plan of salvation or restoration but God loved us enough to give His Son to bridge that gap so that we could come back. So yes, the work has been done for us to come back to a relationship with God, but you have to accept that hand that Jesus offers to come across the bridge. “For, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13), because “if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved” (Romans 10:9-10). Jesus did all the work for us to come back to God, but it is still up to us to accept that love. The first and hardest part is done, all that is left is for you to believe it and confess that Jesus is LORD.

Shut Up and Listen!

I hate people who try to comfort me with their shallow attempts at wisdom. They have nothing for me but empty words from their minds, but nothing that comes from the heart of God. Human agreements and pathetic human desires for the a perfect world makes me sick and more depressed then when I started! How do you know that this is not what God has called me to do? Have you been seeking God’s heart in my favor for a while now? This is what God has been showing me, so listen to what I have to say before you spit on it, cause this just might be the will of God in my life. So get out of my face with your simple words, cause if you don’t have anything from God to say then you are tearing me down cause you are not listening. Hurting people just want someone to listen to them, not someone to talk about themselves or what they need to change in their lives. Yes, there is a time for someone to help someone with telling them that they have this flaw that is causing this problem, but first they just need to let the crap come out before the wound can finally be ready for healing! So shut up and listen, and if you can’t listen then leave me alone!

I wrote that blog when I was in an angry state of mind, the content being good but the presentation was not accepted by all like I wanted it to. The point of this blog was not to offend, but to make you think about what you say when you try and comfort someone. So many times I have had people come to me when I am in need of someone to talk to, but I am not ready for words, or even when I am ready for someone’s advice they give this sweet, everything is going to be perfect answer… The point I am trying to make is this, when a person talks with someone the best thing to do is listen. People need to be heard, but so many times when they are pouring out their hearts the “listener” chimes in and gives a sweet, everything is going to be ok answer, but in reality the person just needs someone to listen to them. The other part is that when they are ready for the other person to talk, that person just talks and doesn’t say anything that is worth while. The point I am trying to make is simple this, when someone needs to talk, listen (that doesn’t mean a dialog but a monolog). The second is this when the person is ready for someone else input they shouldn’t give it, but rather ask God to give them the words that the person needs to hear, not wants to hear, needs (Ephesians 4:29).

An Old Lesson Not fully learned...

(Part 4 of Revelation through a Friend)
The more I grow older I come to realize that maybe God has set me out to be friendless and live a life that doesn’t desire friends or friendships. That maybe I am meant to be alone in this life and only have my Savior to keep my company as I go out and preach the Gospel of my God! Now before you go and tell me the crap of your shallow attempts at comfort, listen to what I am saying. (See Shut up and Listen, Oh Be Careful Little Mouth What you Say, Another Thought From the Book). I was struck by the unfaithfulness of my “friends” again today when I asked one of them why they were so tired, and she said oh yeah we were watching movies til 3 in the morn! I buried that emotion in my stomach so deep that I didn’t show it to her, but when I got back to my room I broke down! I mean seriously?!? What is wrong with me that they never call me to hang out!? Every time that I can remember that I have hung out with these people is because I was the one who called them! Am I that undesirable or annoying or what that these people who call me ‘friend” never call me to hang out? The lies of the devil stabbed me again and again in the heart and in the back. I fall to my knees crying to God, “What do I do God? What do I do? Help me know what to do!? Do I forget them cause they are going to leave soon or do I have to make amends that I might grow, but yet I don’t have the energy or the time to do that in finals! And then by the time that I am done with finals they are gone and done with school and I will never see them again!” These are the thoughts and feelings that fill my head as I try and think of something, but yet all that comes is the evil of my sinful nature, “F*** you D***s! I hate you all” But yet, what does that do for me!? Nothing, my heart is filled with hate and resentment, and I am dying inside like a cancer that eats me slowly. So I have to get this off!? But yet God I am justified in these feelings! These people care nothing about me or they would know how I feel and how deep I am hurt. No one wants to take the time to listen to my heart, but yet I feel that the ones that do heart my heart forget it as soon as I leave them. So why should I allow them to win!? I am sick of them winning and I hate that I am always the one that is humbled! Can I just once get to be glorified in my emotions and make them kiss my feet in repentance?
God I know that all that I said is not of you, but of my flesh and I ask you to help me crucify that flesh to the cross once again. I can’t even count the number of times that I have taken those nails out and helped him back down and into my life. God help me to be selfless and loving and caring and a “follower of Christ,” once that honors you in the hard times, in the depressing time, and in the good times. I know that if I want to answer the call of mission work on my life I need to able to live on you and you alone. It is off every Word that comes from your Mouth, Oh God, which I must live on. Not by the support of my friends, but only through your love and glory that I live. I know that your will for my life is so much more then what I think that I want, that what my life is about is pleasing my creator and not myself. Just like I have claimed you as my Master, I will do what you say because that is what the servant does, no question, completely out of loyal service. Help me to listen to you first LORD, that the lessons of my past would never leave me, but would be the further foundation of my walk and service to you.

tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time it's for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it won't be long before you'll forget my name

can't you tell that I’m losing myself?
I think I’m trying too hard to
let it show
to let you know
don’t trace your footsteps back to me

I’ve been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well i thought i would never leave anything behind
i also never thought I’d say

tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name

can't you tell that I don’t know myself?
I need someone to remind me
to let it go
please let me know
don’t trace your footsteps back to me

I’ve been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well i thought i would never leave anything behind
i also never thought I’d say

tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name

and if I had the chance to do it all again
I wouldn’t expect anything less
and if I had the chance to do it all again
I wouldn’t expect, I wouldn’t expect
any thing less

tell all my friends I’m dead
I’m leaving you
this time its for good
tell all my friends that I’m dead
it wont be long before you forget my name

forget my name
I know that this is not a Christian band, nor a Christian song, but yet just like their name… I have a “New Found Glory.” This is the glory that God loves me and that I love him and the glory is not like the world knows… it is one that the world doesn’t understand. It is the life of Jesus Christ, and I feel that even the Christians (followers of Jesus) don’t even know… It was one of poverty, of loneliness, of betrayal, of pain, but yet in all of that He loved God 100% and was not going to let Him go. In all of that he served and saved thousands by being faithful to the call on his life. He could have ruled the whole world and made the Romans his foot stool, if he would only bow down to the devil. Well the devil is offering me the world if I bow down to him, but I know that this world is coming to an end and my glory and my treasure is in heaven. To that Kingdom I work and bleed for. To that kingdom I will endure loneliness, hardship, poverty, but it will be to the glory of God as I serve him with all of my heart!

Humility

Humble yourself before the Lord and seek his heart! People humility
before God is not some word the pastor says but it is a condition of
the heart! You will never be able to worship God until you soften
your heart so that you can hear God! The Lord wants to speak to you
but you have all these walls built of pride and idols you have made (gf/bf, sports, clothes, movies, rebellion, sin.) You will never me able to change until you are humble and bow low face down on the floor saying God make my life a prayer to you. You have to be willing
to give it all up before you will be able to go anywhere! You have been dragging things in this race that we have been called to! Paul said to throw off all things that hinder, but we have put more things on! The Greeks when competing in the Olympics would be naked, they would have nothing that would hold them back from being all that they could be. Now Paul knew what he meant when he gave those people that visual, there is to be nothing that holds us back from the race that we are going to run. Why do you think that Jesus told the rich young ruler to sell everything, giving it the poor, and then to follow him. Jesus knew that when you hold on to the things of earth you will not be willing to lose them, and will instead lose Jesus in an effort to keep it. You know this is true, how many times have you heard a call to missions work in a third world country, but you don’t want to go cause that means that you have to give up your stuff! This was something that Jesus was serious about and we know that for how many times he tells people this! There is the account in Luke 9 that lists two men who are holding on to earthly things unwilling to give it all. The first one wanted his fathers money before he would go out to serve and the second wanted his family before he would go, but Jesus said, “NO.” Jesus told the first, “let the dead bury the dead” and then to the second that once his hand is on the plow that he ain’t going to turn his head back. Why can’t we turn our heads back once we have our hand on the plow? If any of you have ever tried to turn around and look in your backseat while driving and then you know that you take your eyes off the road and some of us turn back so far that we jerk the wheel, swerving. We can’t turn back with out consequence. Once we have set our eyes on Christ we can’t take them off or bad things will happen! Look at Peter and what he did when his eyes were on Christ, but yet as soon as he turned his eyes away he sank! People we can’t take our eyes off Christ if we are going to serve him, not for a relationship, not for a car, and certainly not for ourselves.
If we don't come to the alter in humility then we will never be able do the work that the alter has for us. It is a place where we lay down our faults and admit that we are less then perfect, but give that imperfection to God! Saying "God I can't do this on my own! I need you!" but not you! You have come to the alter of God and spit on it! You have come with pride! You have come with apathy! You have come with complacency! You idiotlters! God has called us to a relationship with him and only him. He is a jealous God and will not share a thrown with anyone! So why have you turned your hearts from him? Come to him, but come with an open heart. Come to him and ask him to open your eyes to the things in your life that you hold onto. The ones that the devil has blinded you too. The Word of God is called a “light” for the Bible says, your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. You have taken God’s holy light and let it collect dust on your self. You have opened that DVD case 100 times before you think of opening that Bible. You have fallen asleep in the light of God, you have fallen asleep in the warmth of the “good feelings” or the “mountain top.”
"Oh bless me Lord, bless me Lord"
You know it's all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in,
Oh, can't you see it's such a sin?
The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on, get out of your bed
Oh Church of the Most High God! Wake up! Come to God and open your hearts that you might hear what he has called on your life!
The message is oh so very simple
You gotta be like a child to see
'Cause Jesus said "Let the little children
Come unto Me"

You try to make things too complicated
But you really don't have to be so smart
You don't learn a thing
Until you soften your heart

Soften your heart! Dear children of God, come to in humility that you might hear the beautiful calling on your life. Quit acting like you live in this country?! “You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.” (James 4:4) You are not an American! “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” (Philippians 3:20). So let us not live like we live here, but instead let us “store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:20) For we have no need for worldly wealth or things, for they are worthless and the Bible says, “Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare” (Isaiah 55:2) "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:25-34)

Temple of the Holy Spirit

Tonight I went to a pentecostal service with a friend. The thing that stuck me most was at the end of the service when they broke out into teams and started praying for people who came to ask for prayer... My Friend sat there and so did I watching what all was going on with the people there. I had that little voice in my head come to me and say, "Go get prayer over Lust!" but yet I sat there... thinking about how much I am not sure about these people and if it is really something of God (the thought and the people). Then a devotional from my mentor came to my mind, because it talked about how I have been very analytical in my thoughts and actions of my life. Before I will do anything I have to sit back and study it, make sure it is Biblical and correct, but God in this time was telling me to dive in! "What? You can be serious God? Dive into something I don't understand or talk to people I don't know thus not sure if I can trust them?" So I sat there some more when my friend had her Bible open and showed me a verse in Ezekiel 14:4-6;

Therefore speak to them and tell them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: When any Israelite sets up idols in his heart and puts a wicked stumbling block before his face and then goes to a prophet, I the LORD will answer him myself in keeping with his great idolatry. I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols.'

"Therefore say to the house of Israel, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Repent! Turn from your idols and renounce all your detestable practices!

After that I was like okay, God I believe you now (two signs should have been more than enough). So I went up there I told them that I was struggling with lust. They told me that my body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit and that there is a spirit that is attacking me. The spirit of lust, and it is a illegal alien in the Temple of the Holy Spirit. And that when I am tempted that I need to claim the blood of Christ and keep claiming it and telling it to leave in the name of Christ. Because of the power of the blood! I feel that it was something that I needed to hear. I mean if God called me three times... ha ha

Oh Be Careful Little Mouth What You Say

Andre Gide while in school during class watched a butterfly being born from its chrysalis and marveled at the beauty and wonder at which it happened. But when Andre exclaimed to his professor about the beauty of rebirth he was rebuked. Proclaiming to Andre that this was natural, the professor completely missed the whole point of the glory of the supernatural changes that occurs. Gide would later write that he knew how the process works, probably even better then the professor, Gide’s professor missed the meaning and wonder, even if it was only natural. Later he wrote that he, from then on, loathed that teachers lectures.
As I read this, I reflected on my own life and how people have rebuked my passion or marvel needlessly. Just because they didn’t see the same passion they felt the need to tear me down as well? Two things came to my mind when I read this: The first was “do no throw your pearls before swine” and the second we need to be on guard with everything you say because you never know how that will affect someone.

More from Spiritual Disiplines

Psalms 119:9-11
How do you keep your ways/heart pure?
Living according to Your Word.
I have hidden Your Word in my heart,
that I might not sin against You.

"We come to the scripture to be changed, not to amass information"

"When we study a book of the Bible we are seeking to be controlled by the intent of the author. We are determined to hear what he is saying, not what we want him to say. We want life-transforming truth, not just good feelings." (p.69)

"Remember that the key to the discipline of study is not reading many booksm but experiencing what we do read" (p.72)

Psalms 119:9-11
How do you keep your ways/heart pure?
Living according to Your Word.
I have hidden Your Word in my heart,
that I might not sin against You.

"We come to the scripture to be changed, not to amass information"

"When we study a book of the Bible we are seeking to be controlled by the intent of the author. We are determined to hear what he is saying, not what we want him to say. We want life-transforming truth, not just good feelings."

Another Thought From the Book

The book defines the study of a book as “understanding,” “interpreting,” and finally “evaluation”; but as the author defined them, let me also. “Understanding” is asking, what is the author saying? What are the words used and what does that say? “Interpreting” is asking, what does the author mean? What is the meaning behind the words used? “Evaluating” is asking, is the author right or wrong? “Most of us tend to do the third reading right away and often never do the first and second readings at all. We give a critical analysis of the book before we understand what it says. We judge a book to be right or wrong before we interpret its meaning” (p. 67).
This is what I would call “listening,” for I know that the author is talking about reading a book yet I feel this could and should be applied to communication as a whole. So often I feel as though people are so quick to judge what I am saying before they even hear what I have to say. I don’t know how many time people have cut me off when I was talking to tell me that I am wrong. I know I am not an amazing public speaker, but yet at the same time, at least think about what I am saying before you throw your unthoughtfull words back at me.
Can we at least think before we speak? It just seems to me that in our American Culture those who are slow to speak and quick to listen are few and far between. (or as someone told me when I showed them this, “those who are slow to speak and quick to listen are never heard) Why is that though?!

Taking Captive Every Thought

Being that there is so much time to think or read as we slowly cross the boarder; I read a little from the book, Celebration Of Spiritual Disciplines. “This is why the issue of TV programming is so important. With innumerable murders being portrayed each evening on prime time TV, the repetition alone trains the inner mind in destructive though patters” (p. 65). This got me thinking about my movies and thoughts (evil thoughts) that run though my head. I guess that is why the Bible tells us to take captive very thought (2 Corinthians 10:5). It just brings me back to the thoughts of how certain people have been on my mind (things that have bothered me in how they said them) and the evil thoughts towards them kept me from reading just before (reading the book, these evil thoughts, of anger and spite, filled my head and kept me from reading anymore of the book until I gave them to Christ). But I can just see how true that quote is from examples in my own life. It is much easier to get rid of thoughts when I give them to the LORD right away, rather then when I have dwelt on them for a long time, not matter what kind of thoughts sexual, anger, hate, or bitterness.
Examples of this can be seen in many areas of my own life from the personality, to my sexuality, and my tendencies. I can just see how certain people have become just hated in my eyes when I they have never really done anything wrong, but just looked or acted different then me, but I dwelt on the idea that the way that they dressed or talked made them less then me. Even though I never knew their hearts, minds or desires; yet I would judge them solely on their outward appearance and physical actions. I see that in my sexuality and how I have a harder time respecting women when I have allowed my mind to dwell on lustful thoughts. That once I have allowed myself to think in that way, it is hard to stop at all. Or how I have watched violent movies the majority of my life and I tend to be more physical always wanting to punch or kick someone when they anger me. (Thank the Lord I can hold my temper, unlike when I was a child).
So over all I would agree with the book on how there is a lot of building of our inner minds without us even knowing that it does. But what is the practicality of that? Now that I have this insight and information on myself, what do I do with it? Where do I go from here? Does this call for the drastic measures to mediate the movies I watch? I just know one thing is for sure and that is simply that I need to guard my mind constantly. Making sure to bring every thought that is not of God to him, giving them to him and not dwelling on them at all. So I leave you with this, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

Communication

God you have given us the ability to communicate with each other and yet as we communicate, something always get lost in translation. You would think that after 4,000 years we would be able to communicate with each other a little better then the pathetic way we do now. I mean as I write this out my thoughts are being translated onto this paper from electrical impulses to a written language but yet even though you can read the words, the idea will never fully be grasped by all the readers. Some here will say, “I believe the author is saying this” while another would disagree saying, “well actually this is really just a metaphor” or yet another might take it at face value. But yet with all these views the heart of the writer is lost. The emotion that drove the pen to paint a picture of words is left, who knows where, just lost in translation.
So why God, why can’t we truly understand the thoughts and motives of the author or one another, but are really only left guessing. So many times I feel as though I am left alone with my thoughts because I can’t express or explain myself well enough to have anyone understand me. I try and try, but yet I feel wall after wall between me and people because my translation is not strong enough to break down those walls and I am left alone with impulses, but impulses don’t keep good company.

The Loyalty of a Dog

I have been reading this collection of articles that Rich Mullins wrote for this little column that he had in a paper. The story that I read today was one of his dog Bear. Bear loved his master, knowing his sent, running to him when he was scared, and always trusting his master. When Rich wrote those things I was encouraged, but yet at the same time it was a hard pill to swallow. This beast has more loyalty but less brains then I and yet I have more brains buts less loyalty then him. My dog is more faithful to me even when I leave him for months at a time; he is always ready to accept me back, even if he doesn’t know why I left him.
Why can’t I have that loyalty? Why don’t I seek God’s scent all the time (the Bible, His Church, or His disciples), but yet I don’t? There is little loyalty in my life. God help me become more like you, seeking everything that has your scent. God help me seek you in the hard times, in the good times, and when I can do it on my own. Let me always rest in You! God thank you for never letting me go!

Mexico 09'

Hello again my friends and family,
I have safely returned from my trip to Mexico and I am happy to be able to tell you about this trip and the work that God has done in me. First I want to tell you about the orphanage and the children there, for we were able to talk with the husband and wife that run the place and this is what they said. The majority of the children at the orphanage are there because they have come from abusive families. There is a few of the younger kids, ages from 4-6, who were eating any food that they found on the ground because they came from a place where they didn’t get meals all the time. It is a praise that they have been taken from that lifestyle and are now in a stable and safe environment.
The days that we were there we did many different things to be a blessing to the workers and the children including VBS, painting the bars on the window, cleaning up after all the meals, and finally taking the children out to a movie. Just so that you can understand all that we did alittle better, let me go alittle deeper into the things that we did. First let me explain VBS, which we did every morning Monday through Friday. So every morning before the kids ate breakfast we would do the VBS, which would consisted of songs (in Spanish) and then we would go a short skit with a story that would relate to the rest of the week. Then the children would have their breakfast and then half the kids would go to shower while the other half would do the craft, then switching when the other group. We decided to teach the kids about the parable of Jesus concerning the lost. (Luke 15) The first day we decided to just give them an over view of what the stories were going to be like and thus they would be able to better understand the meaning behind the story. Then on the last day, like last year, we went over all the stories and asked the kids questions so that they could think about the values of the story. It is always a joy to see the children’s faces and how they light up seeing us act out the skits on the stage. Then after the children had eaten their lunch at 12 they left for school and we would get to work on painting the bars that covered each window. Painting these windows was a task to say the least, the paint that we used was made so that it would dry in 30 minutes which doesn’t work very well in the hot sun of Mexico, for it dries in 5 minutes, but with a lot of thinner we were able to paint that majority of the bars before the end of the week. Then, like the year before, we took the kids out to the movies, which is a big thing for the kids. It gives them a change to get off the campus and feel like a real kid. It is really fun to see the reactions of the kids as they get ready to go into Movie Theater and the excitement that fills them so much that they can’t sit still. So that was a great day to be apart of, but as it was in Mexico the movie was in Spanish and I didn’t get much out of it, yet spending it with the kids was my joy. So the last big thing about the trip that I want to tell you about is the “party” they had for us on our last night with them. It started with performances of ethnic dances by the kids and then they finished with a Spanish song. It was something that I really enjoyed watching and how much effort they put into this for us really meant a lot to me. Then after their performances they gave us gifts that they had made to thank us for our work and to remember them as we went back to America. On top of that they decided to prepare this amazing meal for us to top it all off! So while they were performing, the older guys and the director of the Orphanage were outside grilling lots of meat for dinner, which is a real treat because most of the time they just use beans. But then with the meat they also had made up some wonderful salsa and guacamole to put on the burritos and it was one of the most wonderful meals I have had in a long time. Not because of the quality of food that we had before that, but because of the love and effort they put into it plus it was just plain amazing! But they didn’t stop there, because they also bought Coke for our team which is really no small thing.
Now that you have the run down of what went down let me take the time to share with you the reflections that I had while I was down there. The first was that I love the Mexican culture! Here are the reasons why; they love you regardless, they treat guests so well, they value friendship and family so much, and finally yet not limited to relationships are defined on the quality of time spent not the duration. I think with all of that God just really taught me a lot on this trip with how I should be living my life, with the things that I value, how I treat others, and how I view my friendships. Second God taught me a lot about communication and listening. There were many time on my trip where I was not able to communicate to the people that I was working with and sometimes I was unable to communicate to my own team members. Now I feel that I need to explain this alittle more so that you can comprehend what I am trying to think here… Let me give you a slight example, Americans communicate primarily through sarcasm and playful putdowns, but for me I am need to be encouraged and cannot function very well when the only form of communication is sarcasm. So now I had to try and communicate that to my team members, but sadly one of them really didn’t understand (this is why I said I had a hard time communicating with even my team) and for the rest of the week would continue to use sarcasm and what felt like constant negative comments. So God took this very negative aspect (in my mind, because it was really tearing down) and brought His glory out of it. Through this He told me that I need to learn how to be positive, uplifting, and edifying in my communication with other people. If the world is going to be putting down each other there needs to be someone to lift the people back up and so who better then the church? (Ephesians 4:29, James 3:5-6). Then along with God taught me about listening, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak” (James 1:19) I felt that when I would speak this same person would never listen to me or what I was saying, but God told me that I need to learn how to be an effective listener so that when people need someone your ear would be ready. There is a lot more that I could tell you about in the things that God taught me or the detail in each of those stories, but that would be something you would have to talk to me in person about. So for now that is what I am going to leave you with.

Last thing that I would like to leave with you is prayer requests, both for me and the orphanage. First I will start with me and leave the best one for the end! This trip has meant a lot to me and has taught me so much; my request is that I don’t forget this or the things that I have learned. It is also my prayer that I take what I have learned and help others and lift them up with the encouragement that God has given me. Second is prayer about my returning to the orphanage. There is a lot of passion in my heart to return and I want to seek God in when I should go back again. I want it to be in God’s timing and also in His blessing. So please pray for that. Now for the ones that need the prayer the most, the orphanage! There are a few things that needs your prayers; first is for the fanatical support for the operations of the orphanage as a whole, second would be for the health of the children, for when we were there more then a few were sick, and third for the hearts of the children. Although they have daily devotions, prayers before meals, and Christian leaders the hearts of the kids are not all saved. So the prayer is that they would be touched by the Holy Spirit before they leave the orphanage so that they would make a difference in the world. So please remember them in your prayers.

Your brother in Christ
Jerome Peterson

God answers prayers

God knows me best, that is the one thing that I know. But what I don’t know is why he does things this way and not my way, but then God lifts me up and I can see the whole puzzle, not just my piece I am trying to fit in.
Theses last couple weeks have been hard and I feel like a fat kid trying to run the mile. I see everyone once else jogging like they have been trying for a marathon and this is just their warm up, but here I am huffing and puffing trying to get round the first turn! Then I look ahead and see I still have three more laps to go. I cry just thinking about all the pain that I still have to go through to get to the rest of finishing this race. But as I think bout letting the tears flow out, I hear this wheezing of another runner with more pain then I could ever have. Now on top of the pain of this race, I have the guilt of thinking I am hurting when they are worse off! The weight is more then I can bare right now, my knees buckle and then a fresh wind blows past my face like a gentle kiss of a loved on, and as it passes by it kisses the sweat on my brow. Like a towel wiping off the mud, so was the pain of this race and refreshed I press on to make it around yet another turn.
God I know that I don’t know everything and I don’t know why I feel alone in this crowed school of Christians. I may never know, but as I prayed against this loneliness that haunts me in my days and nights, I thank you that you are more faithful then the rising sun. That when I am ready to collapse you send me a refreshing breeze to pick up my spirit and send it again on the race that you have set me to. God you are good and I thank you for that. I praise your name and bow before it. To God be the glory, the honor, the power, and dominion in my life forever and ever Amen!

A man, a rock, and a prayer.

There is a story told of a young man in a cabin who prays to God and asks God what He wants him to do with his life. God tells him to look at the massive rock that is in a valley beneath him and every day for the rest of his life he is to push that rock. The young man does as he is told by God and does so for about twenty years. After twenty years of frustration, the man then prays to God again and says to God, "I've done what you've told me to do and I haven't even moved that rock one millimeter." God answers him and says, "I didn't tell you to move that rock. I told you to push it. Look at your hands and arms and how strong they are. Look at the strength of your body that you obtained by pushing on that rock all of these years."

God has been telling me a lot these last couple weeks as I have asked for something, cause I was drowning. I prayed out to God, “Help me, I need something different!” Well now I see a possible answer to that prayer. (I only say possible because I wish I truly knew the voice of God, but for now I see a shadow and I am seeking to see if I find God attached to the shadow’s feet) Over time, I don’t know how long, I have been hearing sermons, reading verses, and hear people talking about the power of prayer. There are so many verses in the Bible on the power of prayer and the promises God has given us on prayer; so now how do I put that into action? Just like the story above has the main character asking God for something new, I was asking God the same thing. I needed something different then what I was doing before and God brought me prayer. For a long time now I have not used prayer in my spiritual life, not saying that I didn’t pray, just that I never used it to what the Bible says it can do. All I ever used it for was just a vehicle to send MY requests to God, but never to really lift up the church or ask for Him to move. Now, through people and His word, I feel like God is asking me to do something special for lent. I feel that he wants me to commit to prayer for his body, prayer for a fire to be started and revival to come. I am not saying that He will do it, and I don’t care if He does (I mean I want Him to so bad, but I am not going to be struck down if He doesn’t). But just like the man in the story, I am going to do what my God has called me to do. Day by day I know that I will grow stronger in Christ and learn how to really pray. I may not be awesome at prayin, but I know that I am doing what God has called me to do. That, my friends, is what I am going to do; even if that means that I am going to seek God alone, I will do it!

Are you Lukewarm?

I wrote this when I was suppose to be sleeping for clinicals, but I couldn’t I felt this is what God would rather have me write, cause the last one was only tearing them down and God has been telling me edify… edify…. There is too much put downs and we need encouragement…
With what has happened this last week, there has been a lot of talk.

Crown we have become lukewarm Christians! We are neither hot nor cold and God will soon spit us out if we do not do something to change. The events of the past week have shown me that there is a lack of integrity in our walks, and please understand that I am just as much to blame as the next guy. So when you read this don’t be thinking about the log that I need to take out my own eye, I am asking Crown to help each other, help me, and help yourselves to take the crap out of our eyes so that we can see Christ. The sins of the flesh are not what I am talking about, for the simple fact that when we focus on Christ all worldly things will lose their glory and fade away as that focus becomes more constant. So Crown what I am talking about here is our walk with Christ. Our walks have strayed from the narrow path that leads to life, it has strayed to the “wide is the gate, and broad is the way” of destruction and that has already happened for a couple of us. Not saying that getting kicked out of Crown means your going to Hell, but it has destroyed so much that some have tried to build up. So what are we doing Crown? Let’s take heart and, “since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Hebrews 12:1-3) The directions are clear but just to make sure we don’t miss the point let me give you one more example of why fixing our eyes on Jesus is the most important; Peter walks on water. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?”
“I'm not trying to be a nuisance I just think we can do better than this That was simply my two cents You can, you can take it or leave it.”

Nuisance

To people who call themselves Christians:

I am a hypocrite, will you join with me and say that you are too? We are in a fallen world striving to be something more, we are striving to be Christ-like. I mean that is what the name Christian means right? We are followers of Christ right? But we are not, we are all being hypocrites, saying one thing and doing another. That is why the world hates us! Jesus was suppose to be the stumbling block, but not us! Myself included, I have been struggling for 21 years trying to get my life on track with what God has called me too, but I am no closer then I was back then... We have all fallen from the fire and have become lukewarm, and God doesn't want lukewarm, he wants hot! So what are we doing?

Come together with me! Please let us put off all the things that hinder and run the race with endurance. The race that was set out before us. Remember that the road that leads to destruction is wide and many find it, but the way to the kingdom of heaven is strait and the door is narrow, few find it. So why are we running this way or that, or stopping here and there? The Bible says to keep our eye on Jesus and the things of this world will fade away. What happened to Peter on the lake!? He took his eyes off the glory of Christ Jesus and he began to sink under the waves. The things of this world parish so why are we stopping our race to pick them up? They only hold us down from the race, but the Bible tells us to store up treasures in heaven and not here where moth and rust destroy! Finally the Bible says that friendship with the world puts a wall between you and God! So why would you want that?!

"I am not trying to be a nuisance, but I think that we can do better then this. That was simply my two cents, you can take it or leave it"

I know I am where I should be

Tonight, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was where I should be. There was nothing that could have fit better then the events that lined up tonight. The last couple months I have been discourages again and again, there are three blogs that testify to that fact in my blog alone. I have felt like "a fish out of water" or as my friend said, "a piece waiting to fit in the puzzle" for so long, and in the back of my mind I have always wondered if I should even be here. Tonight told me that I am where I should be.

After class I went to the coffee shop for no reason, but to just see who was around, I ended up pick up a couple of Jones before I headed out. I looked down the hall and I notices that my best friend was walking down the hall toward me. I stopped and waited for her and I said something, to which she replied, would it be ok if we didn't talk? To this I was like, "oh, she is just got done with Chapel and wanted to take it in or pray to God alittle." So I was like ok, that is all cool.

As we walked she then opened up and started talking to me, she talked about something that were pressing hard on her and how she really needed to get them out. So we walked up to faith and talked. We got to her destination only to find that no one was there and she couldn't reach anyone about it. So I just invited her to continue to talk and come back to my apartment while she waited out of the cold night air. As we waited, we talked. Both of us were able to talk freely about what they were feeling and the weight was just lifted off both of our chests. The weight of our spiritual lives were lifted and freed. The burden of our secrets were gone, because they were no longer secrets. It was amazing that the time that we finished, the majority of our feelings and conversation, that she decided to check and see if they were home.

They were home and thus I walked her to the house and together we went into the house to chat with the family we both are getting to know pretty well. As we talked I to him and her to his wife, it became more and more apparent that God really set this night up long before my crappy months or the heaps of her burdens. For again the right place and right time came out. The wife asked me if I wanted to check out their daughter's ankle, because she rolled it the night before. So I after I was able to assess and give my nursing opinion I just felt so wanted/needed and complete. That I was in that hour of time or more, I was in God's will and there was no denying that fact.

So after I said my good-byes I headed home to finish my homework and right after I finished the more difficult of my two assignments, my roommate asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him. This was cool cause I rarely get to see him if at all because he is always spending time with his gf. So I was like ok... I can handle two things at once. So together we watched Signs. A movie about God's hand in everything, that nothing is by chance but every word and event is there for a reason. There was this peace there that i have not had in a long time, that I was where I was suppose to be, cause I even got my last assignment in on time!

So Thank you God! I thank you that you are in control of my life, that I really don't have it all together, but you hold me in your hands. That you guide my every step, that in my trials you are there with me and have a plan for it. That the trails and snares that the devil throws at me, you use them for good. I thank you that the flaming arrows that are shot at me, are taking down by the shield of faith that you have given to me. That when I look at the armor I have not been wearing, it says property of God, and I know that it is perfect because it is yours! Bless me Father, for I am your son. Keep me Father in your arms and never let me go.

Blinded by the Light

I was thinking one day why more people don't come to Christ? There is a drawing in their heart that longs for Him, but yet they are lost still. They are just blinded by the light.

How can someone who is blind know what color is?! Color is an idea that only someone with sight can understand or know. For the person who is blind, there is shape and texture, but color? Never color. So how can one describe the beauty of a sunset or the beauty of a star lit sky while the norther lights dance across the sky! You really cannot full grasp the concept till you see it for yourself. So how can someone who has never seen God understand Him. He is unseen and unlike anything we have seen. The closest thing that God resembles is a Christian, but that is the crappiest shadow that you could ever think of to relate to God! So how can you describe something so infinite to something so finite?

There is a story called "Flatland" it is the story of two dimensional objects who meet a three dimensional shape. They come up to a sphere and see a circle, even though he is a sphere, they can only see in two dimensions. So now the sphere has to explain three dimensions to a group that can't seen it.

Theses are the examples of the problem that we as Christians have! We have to explain the unexplainable to the lost! We are called to share Christ with the lost of this world, but it is so hard to share something that you almost can't comprehend when you have not seen it. That is why Jesus said in John 20:29, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." I mean seriously, how can you believe that God sent His Son, His Son! To die for the rapists, murderers, adulterers, and all the sinners of the Earth! That is ludicrous to the lost.

Thank you God that it is not our job to make them believe, that it is our job only to preach You. I thank you that it is you that moves in their hearts, that you might bring all men to repentance and into a relationship with you!

Glimps of God

As I have walked through my college life, I have felt like I have poured out myself to my brothers and sisters in Christ with little to no return. Over time I got more tired and weaker and discouraged. My life was getting depressing to where I didn't want to give anything any more, cause I felt that if I gave anymore of myself I would no longer be able to stand by myself. The revelation that came after that, oh it was beauty...

Could what I feel be a glimpse of God? After I give of myself I am left alone, no one comes to me and fills me up. I give out and give out, but I don't receive anything edification in return to build me up so that I might over flow again into more people. Wait, could this be what God sees every day? The amount that he pours out daily onto his people who need this and need that, but never stop to spend time with Him nor do they even thank Him for the blessings that He has poured out unto them. Could this be what God sees in us, what i see in my brothers?

I am just an ant seeing the shadow of the Mountain, picking up the manna that falls from the sky, but never thanking the Mountain for His shade or the manna that He drops for me. God you are so good and I am warn and weak, but still will I serve You!

The Word of God

John 1:1 says, "In the beginning was the word, the word was with God, the word was God." Continuing on in John 1:14 it states, "the word became flesh and dwelt among men." so we know that Jesus is the word of God. Then in Hebrews 4:12 the writer says it is, "living and active, sharper then any two edged sword." 2 Timothy 3:16 then states that, "all scripture is given by inspiration of God." Jesus agreed with that when he said that he only does what the father tells him and also proclaiming, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Saying that there is only one way to God that being through Jesus Christ. The word of God is perfect and to say that it is not would be questioning God himself. For if the bible has errors then Jesus was a liar, and if Jesus was a liar then he has no power to save. We are all then condemned to hell. Thus scriptures are living and forever, full of truth and without flaw.

2 Timothy 3:16-18
16All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

2 Peter 1:20-21
20Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. 21For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

Hebrews 4:12
12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Isaiah 55:10-11
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

John 5:39
39You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me,

1 Peter 1:23
23For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

Psalm 33:9
9 For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.

Proverbs 30:5
5 "Every word of God is flawless;
he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.

Psalm 119:89
89 Your word, O LORD, is eternal;
it stands firm in the heavens.

2 Corinthians 1:20
20For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God.

1 Peter 1:24-25
24For, "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall, 25but the word of the Lord stands forever."[a] And this is the word that was preached to you.

Mark 13:31
31Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

John 1:1-2
1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.

John 1:14
14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,[d] who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Who is God?

God is the God of Justice, Love and Mercy. I put them in that order because God works in that order. God demands justice for every wrong doing (sin). All sin, no matter how small must be pain for in full. That payment is simple, death. Now death is not what the person would first think of when they think death. When the body ceases to pump blood, the brain fails to fire, and the lungs quit breathing. No, this death is something much more horrific. It is an eternal separation from God. Now God demands justice for all wrong doings and all wrong doings must be paid for in full. Thus unless you are a perfect man, you will never get into heaven… But because God is the God of love, he desires none to perish, but wants all to come to know him. It is not his will that anyone should parish in the eternal flames of hell… but being a just God…. He still has to make you pay for what you have done. So you still go to hell. Fortunately, God is a God of mercy. Now to define Mercy, “compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender” Now understand this, mercy is not your right. Justice is your right and that is what you will always get from God! You will pay for every sin you have ever done, that is justice, but mercy is God saying, “I am going to let you off the hook” There is no rule that says he has to do this! That is why it is mercy, but still God needs that sin to be paid for…so if not you, then who? That is why God sent his son to take your place. Jesus took your place and paid for your sins once and for all. You are no longer condemned to die for the sins of your life. You are free to go, but you have to go… The gift Jesus offers is just that… a gift. You have to receive the gift for it to be a gift. So people who say that they don’t need Jesus? Well Jesus died for their sins, but sense they didn’t accept the gift, they don’t receive the benefits from that gift and thus have to pay for their sins. An eternity in Hell. So God is loving, but he is just first.

The Still Small Voice Speaks in My Dark...

Part 3 of Revelation through a Friend)
As soon as I was done writing this post (Fish Out of Water)... I started watching this serman that David Peirce was giving somewhere... and he was talking about his surrendering. It is not about me, it is about Jesus. If God gives belonging to my friends or my brother, Jesus just looks at me and goes, "What's it to you! It is not about their calling... it is about your calling. Are you willing to take up your cross and follow me? It ain't no cake walk."

God, you are sooo good to me. That in my dark and depressing times you look at me and give me that gentle calming word of truth. That I have a calling unlike my brother, unlike my friends, unlike anyone. I have a calling as unique as me. All the things that happen in my life are only conditioning or teaching that I might have a better ministry to Your lost sheep. I was never my own, but I am Your's and it is not my life, but Your life. And because it is Your life, You can do anything that You want with it.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. -2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
-1 Peter 5:6-7

Fish out of Water?

(Part 2 of Revelation through a Friend)

"All dressed up and no where to go. I think I'm taking this trip alone" -NFG

I wish that I could have two songs playing while you read this as they are playing now when I write it. The songs would be "Place In This World" by Michael W. Smith and then the song from Disney's Hercules "Go the Distance" They truly capture how I feel tonight. Alone, down, lost, longing, blind... I feel alone in the crowded room, one that I might add, is full of people who would think that I am their friend. I no doubt that they love me, but still I feel alone when I am round them. There is this feeling like I am on this emotional roller coaster, going from one high to a low. When I stop and look at it, like I am now, I see that the "high" is nothing more then being caught up in something. It is not like I am having a bad time, but it is still that I am caught up in the feeling of doing something... and so when I am alone or the fun is done... I am left alone and unable to relate to anyone. I really don't know how to act or be around more then one other person. I work in the personal, deeper relationships and so when I can't be personal... I don't know what to do and I have to just back off, cause I don't know what else to do. I don't know why I am like this but all I know is that I am.

The lyrics in those two songs really bring out what my friend said and how I feel... I am in this place when I am not suppose to be, I am lost looking for some place that I might belong. I have always longed to have a belonging but always I feel alone. People have failed me, or maybe just failed me in my eyes... Or maybe it is even the media's fault... (In the end it really doesn't matter whose fault it is cause it happened and I can't change the past.) I look all through my life at the desire I have had for a group of friends that I could call my friends... Like my brother and his close knit group of friends from college; the shows I watch... Recess, TMNT, Boy Meets World; everywhere I go..... There is always groups of people that always are enjoying each other's company and having a great time... but not me, I am always sitting there on the corner wanting to be a part of that, but yet I don't know how I can be. I am lost with out any ability to change it.

I know they are so depressing, but yet at the same time I can relate to them! (Simple Plan "I'm Just a Kid" New Found Glory "Tell All My Friends I'm Dead") How much I just want to tell all my friends that I am dead and walk away from the people here and never see anyone again... I am not sure if I would care or not. I know that who I am is because all the people that have been here in my life, but still I am alone. They have shaped me into who I am, but I still feel alone and I wonder even if they could help me. Or if I would even want their help? I hate the idea of self pity and I hate the idea of people having pity on me. I just want someone to really show care and love to me, but in the past they have said what they needed to say to get through that conversation and after that... they ain't there? What?! Isn't friendship helping someone out the whole way through? Not stopping half way?

"I have often dreamed of a far off place, where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face and a voice keeps saying, 'This is where I'm meant to be" I may not care bout the crowds cheering for me, although it would be nice, I just want to hear that voice from God sayin, "This is where you belong my son"

God I just want to have your peace. I don't care about anyone around me, I just want to know that you still hear me. "If there are millions down on their knees, among the many, can you still hear me? Hear me asking, "Where do I belong? Is there a vision that I can call my own? Show me." I don't know what I want or what I need, I just know that you are God. You know me and you know what I need. You have always supplied my needs. Can you bless me this one time?

Hypocrite, narrow-minded, my standards are too high?

"Whenever people say, 'Christians are hypocrites,' I say, 'duh, every time we come together we are confessing that we are hypocrites, weaklings in need of God and each other'" - Rick Mullens
We are who we are. Not one Christian among us is perfect and that is not going to change.
I have been called a hypocrite, narrow-minded, and that my standards are too high. Now ask me if I care? No, I don’t care. I am not here to try and please you, but my whole life is here to serve and love my LORD. The statements about me maybe true, but why are they?
First there is the statement that I am a hypocrite, and that is probably true. But then again who in this world is not a hypocrite in one way or another? I live my life in service to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but I have failed him many times. Even Jesus’ most trusted disciples have failed him, they have been hypocrites. Let’s first look at Peter. Peter loved Jesus with everything he had and was, saying that he would die for Jesus. He defended Jesus when they arrested him, cutting off the ear of one of the men. Not even fearing death, Peter followed Jesus to the trial, but when it mattered most Peter denied Jesus three times! What worse thing could man do to our LORD? But still Jesus came to Peter after his resurrection to reinstate him to his calling of being the Rock that the Church would be built on. (Luke 22, John 18, John 21) Second there is Paul who said this himself, “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” And then he goes on to say, “And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” We are men, far from the perfection that is Christ. Even Isaiah says that our best work is like filthy rags to the LORD. You live the life that I am trying to live and not be a hypocrite from time to time.
Why am I narrow-minded? For I know that I must "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14). The Bible calls us to walk the narrow path, not one that is wide allowing for any wayward thinking. For wide is the way that leads to destruction. The views of this world are not of God, “You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.” (James 4:4-5) Then also in James 1 he talks about wisdom, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” If we want wisdom it should come from God, for God will give us the wisdom that we ask for. “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God.” (1 Cor. 3:19) So why would I want to change my mind for a mere man’s beliefs. I will look to the Lord for my wisdom and truth. I will sit and wait for the Lords council and not change my mind for any new idea that is passed before me. Liberal view points of this day are going to lead to destruction of the country. They say that what is true for you doesn’t have to be true for me, that it maybe ok for you but it doesn’t mean the same for me. Truth is what you make it and so on…. The Bible speaks of these people in Romans 1, “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen,” and then again in verse 32. “Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” But the truth is this, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6) That is the truth that we can trust in, there is no truth, but that which comes from Jesus. So Jesus is not here on earth anymore, so how can we know what truth is? But He is, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1) and “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14). So Jesus is here, with us and in us. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?” (1 Corinthians 6:19). And also, “If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God.” (1 John 4:15)
I have chosen to live my life in a way that is pleasing to God my Father in Heaven. (I have not put try, for the same reason that I listed Romans 7. It is not me who sins, but the sin living in me, that is the flesh) “For it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy.’" (1 Peter 1:16) So I chose to walk as Jesus walked (1 John 2:6). For when he saved me and called me to a holy lifestyle, but it is nothing that I have done, that he has called me to do it, for it was of his own grace and purpose that He has called me (2 Timothy 1:9). So I have a purpose or calling on my life for in John 17:17 it says, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.” Sanctify in Greek means, “set apart for sacred use” and when you need something for sacred use, it has to be clean and holy. 2 Corinthians 7:1 reiterates this, “Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” And then in 1 Corinthians 6:19, “do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.” That is why in 2 Corinthians 6:17 it says, “Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." We are the temple of the Holy Spirit and are called by God to a holy lifestyle for he intends to use us, but can’t not if we are not holy. “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps” (1 Peter 2:21). It is the desire of God that we become, “blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe” (Philippians 2:15). Also, God calls us to hold a higher standard, “Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)” The standards of this world are not those of God! They are “crooked and depraved” for it says in 2 Timothy4:3-4, “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine, in stead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears will want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.” They have given up truth and holiness to do what they want and no longer follow God. I have chosen to not be one of those people, but who has answered the call of Holiness and purity for God.

references:
Isaiah 35:8-9; 1 john 2:6; 2 Timothy 1:9; John 17:17; 1 Peter 2:21; 2 Corinthians 6:17; 2 Corinthians 7:1; Philippians 2:15; 1 John 3:3; Ephesians 5:7-9;